Another apple lawsuit waiting to happen pic.twitter.com/5DZq3BLG

If anyone is having a bad day, remember that today in 1976 Ronald Wayne sold his 10% stake in Apple for $800. Now it's worth $58,065,210,000

Due to an autocorrect cock-up, my time machine only lets me travel into the furniture.

I want to make a font joke, but I’m just not bold enough.

Sex jokes are not funny, I mean Cum on people.

Never ignore someone who cares for you because someday you'll realise you've lost a diamond while you were busy collecting stones.

Tech Support http://t.co/rkEYGBuL

Dear websites, every time you redirect me to your "mobile" site and just cut off the path of my URL, a kitten dies.

I hate people who say age is just a number. Age is clearly a word.

If being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel then onto a seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They train for that

BitTorrent user? See if this shows anything for you - http://t.co/QuS56FuC

Google+ is like a gym membership. Everyone signs up for it but never uses it

The inventor of the remote control has died age 96.

Have they tried turning his batteries round and smacking him against the coffee table?

Clinton Cards has gone into administration....maybe we should send them a card #withdeepestsympathy

Remember the three L's: Learn from the past. Live in the present. Look towards the future

Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon... I launch pissed off birds at pigs !

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

An ambulance. This is no joking matter, he's got a bloody spade in his head!

iPhone 4 in pure css! http://t.co/00ZUlDrm via @tjrus

I don't understand banks, Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I'm trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens!

It's impossible for this tweet to be retweeted!