Favstar wird sogar noch besser, wenn du dich anmeldest.
My exercise bike gets the same amount of use as Susan Boyle's rape whistle.
I like getting stars, because in Mario terms, that makes me invincible
Girlfriend - "There's a new Smurfs film out wanna see it?"
Me - "I'd rather play spin the bottle with the baddies from The Hills Have Eyes"
When someone on Facebook writes "I need a cuddle", what they're really saying is "I haven't had cock in ages"
You can tell weed's stronger these days, every time I smoke on my own, I get paranoid that ghosts are staring at me
If you want someone to wash their car don't write "clean me", that never works. Instead write "I know where Madeline McCann is" that works
I've got a feeling Ryan Dunn's funeral isn't going to go well; if Johnny Knoxville throws Weeman on top of the coffin
The Jason Statham Film Checklist
Drive a car fast
Save/have sex with a girl
The only reason women don't believe that men can multitask is because they've never seen us reading a shampoo bottle while taking a shit
New Game Idea - Call of Duty - Modern Welfare. It's basically the same but you shoot people that have appeared on Jeremy Kyle
I'm making a vodka called "Responsibly" that way every other Alcohol company tells you to drink my brand when they advertise
When someone says "my prayers are with you" to an atheist; it basically has the same effect as farting on someone for good luck
I masturbated that much I went all the way past blind and can now see through time and space.
Fact of the day Dragon's Den got it's name because it wasn't allowed to be called Arrogant Rich Cunt's Attic.
I'll offend you, dont complain, its literally pointless. My life is like bobbing for turds in a barrell of toenail clippings.