I'm so gay I can't even park straight.

I'm gay so of course I check out girls asses just to see where they bought their jeans. If it also keeps rednecks from killing me, then yay

I wonder if the people who watch 'Toddlers with Tiaras' realize they're watching future strippers.

I hate it when other white people assume I'm racist because I'm white. If they only knew I have had black penises in my mouth.

I can't get married, but Kim Kardashian's fat skanky ass can get married for 72 days. Way to go America.

Whenever a guy doesn't say thank you, when I hold the door for him. I pat him on the ass and yell; STOP BEING A HOMOPHOBE!!!

I don't mean to brag but I just took a shit while standing up.

Top two reasons I knew I was gay:
1. I'm excited about the final season of One Tree Hill premiering tonight.
2. I like to fuck men.

Crime wouldn't be as high if cops weren't fat.

I recommend not using hand sanitizer while jacking off, stick with soap.

If I ever become a serial killer, I'm killing guys who wear Affliction, Ed Hardy, & Tapout shirts. You've been warned!!!

Is it just me or does Ke$ha looks like she does heroin?

I wonder if Ke$ha has to change the S in her name to another money symbol, in foreign countries?

It's always nice to know when u get un-followed because u didn't follow them back. I can handle that. I was worried that I wasn't funny.

I hope a serial killer kills the girl who played Kid Rock in this bar.

No, Cee Lo Green, fuck you!!!! She's just my fag-hag.

I bet at tweet ups, star fucking is facials. If so, I'm totally down with it.

Tom Cruise won’t be single long. He’s gonna need a tall woman to turn his thermostat up and down.

If they made movie about John Travolta’s life, it would be called: “John Travolta: From Twink to Bear.”

Idk why straight guys whine about plucking their nose hairs? Getting fucked by a guy with a 10 inch dick is more painful.