Who gives a shit if she spits or swallows. Be thankful she let you cum in her mouth.

Shit, be thankful she's even sucking your dick.

Sometimes I wonder if ghosts watch me have sex.

Is it like porn for them?

I dare you to go down on me and not enjoy yourself.

If I were a guy, I wouldn't have a jerk off sock, I'd jerk off in everyone else's socks and put them back like nothing happened.

SURPRISE!

Is it just me, or does "bukakke" sound like some kinda ethnic food?

When masturbating with vegetables, is a condom really necessary?

Cause I just wash it and put it back.


Just kidding!



I don't wash it.

It should be a rule that if your tits are ugly, they can't be used as your avi.

Big tits don't count if you're fat.

How come its okay for fat couples to make out fiercely on the train, but when I start masturbating, I'm the disgusting one?

Everyone on twitter is either married or has kids. & since I have neither, it seems like the only logical thing to do here is eat some cake.

Yourselves fuck go to all you telling girl a about it's backwards tweet this read you if.

Don't share your views on anything with me. I care more about the shit coming out of my ass than the shit coming out of your mouth.

Not trying to toot my own horn, but I do have pretty fucking nice lips.

Oh, who am I kidding?

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEP BEEEP BEEP!!

Hi, my names Chloe.

I like chocolate, cake, orgasms, fort building and making fun of people.

If you like these too, we can be friends.

When editing tweets to make them fit, I'm always reluctant to take out the cursing because it so efficiently emphasises my fucking point.

The reason men don't like talking to women is because they have to think about what they say. And men don't like thinking because it's hard.

Whoever comes up with the trending topics should be shot in the face and brutally violated with pineapple.

Don't pretend to be better than me. Your Twitter tells me you don't have a life either.

When I RT a lot, that's code for FUCKING FOLLOW THEM, BITCHES.

My goodness, you Americans really will fry anything, won't you.