Favstar wird sogar noch besser, wenn du dich anmeldest.
If you're not addicted to Twitter, you're following the wrong people.
Why do strip clubs use hot girls on their billboards? Just use an ugly woman holding an ugly baby to remind me why I don't want to go home.
I want to open a pizza shop called "Cheesus Crust!" Our slogan will be: "Heavenly ingredients, served hot as Hell." -or- "Crust has risen."
That bitch just called me a misogynist. Jokes on you hooker, I don't know what that means!
I like to cuddle after making love but I don't do it often cause it costs $100 extra.
You know what really wears me out? Being the hottest piece of ass everywhere I go.
Dear North Carolina, if you let guys marry each other, you'll have more available women in your family to date!
No, I'm not racist. Hell, my gf's black. Well, black & blue actually. Cause she doesn't know respect.
How awesome would it be to discover my penis has just been folded in half this whole time?
I think the secret to eternal youth is breast milk. Have you ever seen an old baby? Well? Have you?
"I'm not like most guys." - Most guys.
Two words. Proofread.
I thought I saw my ex today but turns out it was just a log with a hole in it by the side of the road that 3 rednecks were having sex with.
Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is one of those ho's you keep talking about.
When I asked my little niece what she wanted for her birthday, she said "Silly bands." So I hired Smash Mouth & Blind Melon.
OMG this fly on the outside of my window is so huge, its trapped me in my car using only fear & my lack of understanding.
When vegitarians turn into zombies, do they attack heads of lettuce?
Do you know how much easier my life would be if I could reach in my pocket whenever I needed to & pull out chocolate pudding?
When my gf calls me an ass, I act offended & say "Stop calling me by ur ex's name!" Then theres a pause & the 3 of us lol & hop back in bed.
Just invented this--> .Y <--That's a guy with his hands in the air, partying like he doesn't care SO WELL that his head fell off. Enjoy.
Rocket ship navigator & Autotonsorialist. Made from 90% recycled awesome & 10% post-consumer waste. My tombstone will read: Back up, you're crushing my penis.