Texts that piss me off:

1. Yeah

2. Oh

3. Yup

4. Lol

5. Haha

6. K

7. Nope

8. Chillin

9. Naw

10. Send me a pic

Black friday: because only in America people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

Drug life: 💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉💊💉

Thug life:
🚬🔫💰🔪🚬🔫💰🔪🚬🔫💰🔪🚬🔫💰🔪🚬🔫💰🔪🚬🔫💰🔪

My life: 📱📺🍫💻💤🍪🍦🍕🍗🍟🍩🍔🍫🎧💤📱🍗📺🍦🍫💻💤🍪🍕🍗🍟🍩🍔🎧📱📺💻💤🍕🍗🍟🍦🍔🎧📱🍩📺💻💤🍕🍪🍟🍔💤🎧

I've lived through 1/1/1, 2/2/2, 3/3/3, 4/4/4, 5/5/5, 6/6/6, 7/7/7, 8/8/8, 9/9/9, 10/10/10, 11/11/11, and today is 12/12/12. I'm cool.

'Fucking' is one of those fucking words you can fucking put anyfuckingwhere in a sentence and it still makes fucking sense.

Me: looks at pet sleeping
Pet:
Me:
Pet:
Me:
Pet:
Me:
Pet: breathes
Me: oh thank god i thought you died

Guess who's texting me... pic.twitter.com/koRBrN5D

Me looking at old pictures: "Why?"
Me looking at old haircut: "Why?"
Me looking at old clothes: "Why?"
Me looking at old crush: "Why?"

My tweet wasn't really about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bitch up and wear it.

During a math test:

Me: my answer = 23.
Answer choices: 170, 195, 264, 362.
Me: well 170 is closest to 23, so that must be the answer.

Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.

Me getting dressed before school: Sits there for twenty minutes without a shirt on thinking about all the reasons why I hate school.

No boyfriend November was a success, should I go for don't date December? Just me January? Forever alone February? No man March? I got this.

My ex? We're not friends, we're not enemies. We're just strangers with some memories.

Parent: Why don't you come socialize with the family?
Me: *sits with family*
Me: *gets insulted by entire family*
Me: *goes back to bedroom*

Dear Santa, I've been good all year. OK most of the time. Once in a while. Fuck it I'll buy my own shit

What 👅 time 👅 does 👅 the 👅 next 👅 bus 👅 leave 👅 to 👅 bikini 👅 bottom 👅

School tomorrow ✏📓
same shit 💩
Fake bitches 💄💋
Annoying teachers 👨👩
Ratchet hoes 🙅
Fake thugs 👎👎
Unnecessary drama ✌
& annoying ass people!😐

When girls call their boyfriends “daddy” I just want to vomit all over their existence

Oh, you cheated on your beautiful girlfriend with a hoe that looks like Chewbacca? Good choice.