Christmas was shit. Who ever invented it should be nailed to a cross!

Met a white guy named Jamal Washington today. Talk about a fuckin resume killer.

I call my farts "poop thunder".

Sometimes my fingers get lonely and visit my poop hole. I giggle cause it tickles. I smell my fingers after cause were friends.

I'm high.

What if bears could snorkle?

Fact: if you wear a baseball cap with a straight brim than you have probably fucked a girl named Tammy and you have HPV.

Sext: don't tell your parents, this will be our secret.

Sext: Lets not turn this rape into a murder.

Not to brag but I'm undefeated against women and children.

Hey people with mustache tattoos on your fingers, you have the new barb wire arm tattoo. Fuckin douchebags!

RAPE? I prefer to call it "snuggle struggle".

Hey lady's, here is some great advice on rape #rapeLOL pic.twitter.com/MYfv0cfs

Sext: bite the pillow, I'm going in dry.

I may have over trusted that fart:(

I want to see an animal hoarder with rear window decal of a lady w/ 60 cats covering the entire thing.

I have 3 new followers!

Note to self: dont mention fucking children, how funny I find abused women and my secret hatred for minorities!

Anyone ever have one of those days where you have an itch on the roof of your mouth that only a gun barrel can scratch?

#mycoffeeissoblack that it dates fat white women with good credit.

@againstsuicide here are some instructions for you and your followers from me and @xhobosexualx http://t.co/lE3tB5O0

@fartsmel pic.twitter.com/8QWZDQfC7h