gotta keep your house toasty, bitches like it toasty

so what is some people's issue with retweeting a lot, i mean wtf is the point of someone being super clever if no one is going to pass it on

That awkward moment when u hand someone the bowl even tho your pretty sure its ash..

i cant decide who i like more on twitter, the hilarious tortured married men; or the hilarious smart ass underfucked single men.

i need a bowl. and angry sex.

my tumblr consists of 90% naked chicks and blowjob gifs and 10% shit i think is funny when i smoke... sounds like a well rounded page...

"oh, that rug is no good, i tripped on it twice." actually bitch, your cankles are no good, pick up your hooves when you walk... that is all

I just found a little bit of weed in my cleavage in case anyone is looking for a 2nd wife.

you guys are so perfectly naughty/sexy/hilarious/messed up/adorable i can hardly take it. as far as i'm concerned my TL is the twitter elite

i just favorited like 4 tweets talking about balls or penis's... in case anyone needs to know what to get me for chirstmas

yeah i like to use smileys in my tweets, so-the-fuck-what. say somethin haters

pretty excited to get home and be crushed by the christmas tree because im putting it up alone, and mind-blowingly high

i'm retweeting a ton right now. spreading the love. and if you aren't for the love spreading, just fuck you

i think i have my holidays messed up, the list of alcohol that i am making right now looks more like new years than thanksgiving

if you leave your wife/gf with me, i'm not promising you'll get her back. at least not the same way i got her. but thats ok, you'll like it

Some random guy offering to carry out my 12 loads of laundry= the benefits of having tits. Yay tits!

sometimes i just shut the fuck up and take it, thats life. but sometimes you want to say fuck life and fight that bitch back.

its my moms 49th birthday today. Bout to take the day off from work (for once) and get her fucked up. We need it

yay its going to be 20 degrees out right now. i'm so thrilled that i'm not at home in my bed. #teamhardnipples

I need to put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it every time I think about giving a fuck...