You people rock! .....back and forth in the fetal position, but still.....

America's Got Nothing Else To Do.

Do you ever wonder if sometimes those passive-aggressive tweets are aimed at you? Are you wondering now?

My tweet stream is a little weak this morning. I think I need to see a urLOLogist.

Definition of awkward: Seeing your former spouse waving from across the stadium and waving back. Then realizing he's waving at your daughter

This "getting to work on time" makes for a long day.

I think my boss thinks I'm bitter. Does that make me paranoid? I think she thinks I'm paranoid, too. Should I ask her?

Ha ha ha ha, that was funny. Here's a star for you. Oh, hahahahaha - that was great! Have a star. Oh wait. No. You're not in the clique.

O. M. G., you guys. I found this place that has sunshine, blue skies and fresh air! I have to leave my house to get there, though. I dunno.

Just noticed my last 5 tweets were questions. I fear I may be turning into Andy Rooney.

Her son asks, "What's for dinner?" "Sadness", she replies. He laughs.

Actually, no. I don't think I can dance. That's why I'm lying on the couch watching this show.

Are you supposed to answer rhetorical questions?

Temp following someone in order to send a DM is the new "You can look but not sit at the cool kid's table." News flash: Your table stinks.

DayQuil, I know NyQuil; and you are *no* NyQuil.

Welcome to your career. And how may I mock you today?

My first tweet from work. I'll be expecting an emergency meeting with the company firewall tomorrow.

Recently, I've been fearful that you all will discover my secret; that I'm a fraud. I've been lip synching my tweets this whole time.

GAH! Can't get that Po Po Poker Face song out of my head. I'm about ready to po po poke my eyes out.

Strangely, I am comforted by the fact that no one will ever plagiarize my tweets. This rocking and loud sobbing is also comforting.