Favstar wird sogar noch besser, wenn du dich anmeldest.
Girls are never wrong. Until they are. Then they cry and are, somehow, not wrong again.
WHY IS THAT COTTON CANDY TALKING?!
"Grandma, that's Niki Minaj."
I'm terming a new word. "Askhole"- A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them!
One day, long, long ago there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.
I told my DAD to embrace his mistakes. he cried. then he hugged My brother & me.
If there were no bad parents there would be no good strip clubs.
I wouldn't say you're stupid. You are, but I wouldn't say it.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when I go clubbing in my McDonalds outfit none of them will even talk to me.
Her: Take the condom off!
Me: Ok but if you get pregnant YOYO
Me:You on Yo own
While Twitter is the slutty wife we all share, Facebook has become the humorless mother-in-law we all endure.
curiousity killed the cat but it also got my penis stuck in the vacuum
If any of my tweets have made even one person's day better, then there's something seriously wrong with that person
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
Forget waterboarding. You want confessions? Lock the guy in a room with a laptop, a Twitter account and a bottle of whiskey.
Men who shave their legs. probably shave their vaginas as well!
Don't worry ladies. One day you'll find a guy that will ruin your lipstick, not your mascara.
I told this girl that I was an architect. It's true in a way, since I now have to design an intricate web of lies to back it up.
A fat person doesn't eat what's right but eats what's left.
#ShitISay I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. Crazy motherfucker Funniest Guy, Know me know life, If you are lost just follow me .