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  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    Hell hath no torture like that of a friend reading his unpublished novel out loud to you. As I just found out.

    • 46
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthDavidKlein5SistaCrumpetShrewdSimiansessalee___mikeym00nMalkahMrBigFists
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    If hate could be measured, the units would be called AT&Ts.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthtehcougMielTrempe________sessalee___tammyphinney______erich_smith__distinctlydrlbestgirlbetty
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    I thought sitting around in a bar drinking beer was a waste of time until I tried sitting around in a bar drinking non-alcoholic beer.

    • 41
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthredtothetone______sessalee___tammyphinney______kansbiker__logsplit818mikeym00nSpooky_Johnson____
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    I wasn't worried about the teabaggers' attacks on the liberal agenda. But what if they team up with the rugmunchers and the cornholers?

    • 37
    • FAVS
    llvvzzdannydogmouthchigbyEastsideRJmikeym00nSpooky_Johnson____MalkahMrBigFists
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    I walked past a place called The Taste Tickler, & I assumed it was a sex shop. It's a cafe.

    I don't know what's wrong with me. Yes I do.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthtehcougParaclowncvminpvbtammyphinney______bestgirlbettymikeym00ntalks_in_maths
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    If pigs could fly, I'll bet they'd fly United or Delta. Pigs don't need much leg room and they don't care if their food tastes like dirt.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthtammyphinney______mikeym00nMrBigFistsreverendrossMissStaceyLynn____lafixTheRealMelissaN__
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    How rude. My neighbor just told her husband that I'm a busybody. It's not my fault the walls are paper thin when you put a glass up to them.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthShrewdSimiantammyphinney______mikeym00ntalks_in_mathsNowAPiscesSpooky_Johnson____switchbladephd
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    Just received an anonymous report that someone has "damed" a nearby creek. I suspect bavers.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthSpooky_Johnson____switchbladephdsnackajawea_______nhmagpie__________Thaozilla________bumpcrudMODAT
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    I keep having erotic fantisies where I lie on my back and do nothing all day long.

    OK maybe that's not totally erotic but I get off on it.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthShrewdSimianMrBigFistsreverendrosssnackajawea_______lafixdistinctlydrlbumpcrud
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    Well. That was a surprise. Turns out when you get a high colonic, there's no weed involved at all.

    • 26
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthredtothetone______tammyphinney______EastsideRJmikeym00nMalkahMrBigFistsreverendross
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    Why 70 virgins? I mean, even a baker's dozen seems like kind of a lot.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthEastsideRJMrBigFistsswitchbladephdsnackajawea_______nhmagpie__________bumpcrudMODAT
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    Don't you think it'd be hot if we all had eyes on stalks like crabs? Me neither. But staff meetings would be more interesting than this one.

    • 24
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthsnackajawea_______lafixnhmagpie__________MODATmlb_matosreverendrossBayOfSlamPigs
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    My hotel room has a pink lepord print robe in the closet. Like I'd really wear something like that.


    It's actually very comfortable.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthtammyphinney______Xtremedialupredtothetone______Memmer739________JohnnyChimpoyococomo__________LaceyMark
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    What if all the people with no eyebrows formed a mighty union?

    We'd all be creeped out.

    And I'd make a fortune selling eyebrow wigs.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthswitchbladephdsnackajawea_______bumpcrudMODATreverendrosscleapowBayOfSlamPigs
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    You can't always get what you want.

    But if you try, you might get so depressed that you'll be apathetic & it just won't matter anymore.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthSpooky_Johnson____snackajawea_______distinctlydrlThaozilla________bumpcrudMODATmlb_matos
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    What happened to the nerdy guy who recorded "You have mail!" for AOL? I'll bet he goes door to door after the postman, hoping for tips.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthtammyphinney______MrBigFistsreverendrossnavanaxmlb_matosdistinctlydrlsnackajawea_______
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    Well. Leaving my copy of BDSM For Dummies out on the coffee table wasn't quite the turn on I thought it would be.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthMrBigFistslafixMODATmlb_matosreverendrosslionelsterBayOfSlamPigs
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    The crappy chimes at the nearby church sound like an ice cream truck on its last legs. Seems like a cruel way to lure kids to church.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthSpooky_Johnson____reverendrosssnackajawea_______MODATmlb_matosBayOfSlamPigsayzsky
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    Ahhh. Nothing better than hot sex on a Thursday night.


    Or so i've heard.


    Anyhow...back to Cartoon Network.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthSpooky_Johnson____snackajawea_______lafixnhmagpie__________distinctlydrlThaozilla________MODAT
  • NobodySharpstic
      Nobody @NobodySharpstic

    Nothing says "I'm never boinking again & I just don't care!" like walking around with a metal detector.

    Can you buy those online?

    • 19
    • FAVS
    dannydogmouthsnackajawea_______lafixnhmagpie__________MODATmlb_matosreverendrossBayOfSlamPigs
@NobodySharpstic

@NobodySharpstic

You can believe me because I never lie & I'm always right