Favstar wird sogar noch besser, wenn du dich anmeldest.
If my neighbors line up their quarters on the washing machine to indicate they're next, I steal them so they'll know it's fucking stupid.
I'm not a stalker, I just star a lot.
This dude says “pi-staaah-shyo” like some pistachio connoisseur.
Color-wise, the perfect 5-pack of lighters continued to elude her.
My “cat” is just a coconut wearing a little sweater.
My cat is watching a movie. It’s the litterbox edition.
All I really remember about the ‘80s is George Jefferson being irritated like all the time.
I'll star a picture of your cat. I don't give a fuck.
“Let’s interview the weirdest bystander.” ~ Local news
I can tell I'm aging when I turn off music to listen to NPR.
Farted (alone) in elevator before it stopped for 4 more people and I was all, "Oh my god, it fucking reeks in here" to them. They agreed.
People tweeting about drinking and smoking weed seem suspiciously lucid.
I love my friend, but she got upset when I said that her condo smells like feet. Just doing my part to make sure I don't have to smell feet.
"Meowt." ~my cat, when he's leaving
My sister asked me, "How's life in La-La Land?" like I'm some delusional piece of shit. Like she's invited to La-La Land.
I want to change my avi, but my bathroom mirror is all fogged up.
We all tweet the same stuff. You can't let that stop you.