Jesus's second to last miracle was where his stigmata leaked creme egg goo. Hence Easter.

#scriptchat I wrote about feeding back on #writing for @bang2write. Check it out! http://t.co/0g96zUMV

#writing If you missed it yesterday in Olympian Twitter frenzy, here's my interview with @markleigh99 for @bang2write. http://t.co/VKl6BIzw

#FF @markleigh99, who has let me interview him for @bang2write. Oh, and his tweets are funny. So follow him if you're not a writer too.

Wow guys. Time to get excited. Sun for the Bournemouth Summer Ball! I hope you're all equipped for a nice warm swamp party.

@patchmcscratchy Double ended pleasure!

Sticks and stones may break your bones but the universe is indifferent to the horrors of life and everyone you know is slowly dying.

@patchmcscratchy I favourited that because you're my favourite.

Whoever finds my post dance accident corpse in the shower: please cover me with a towel and remove Single Ladies from my play history.

Call centres play calming music and then repeatedly interrupt it with a robot saying you're on hold: Chinese water torture in a digital age.

@mattcheetham I recommend putting on a jumper. It's so warm and snug in that it's hard to believe I'm floating in something so vast and cold

@utterben Here, you can hand these ones I've confiscated out too ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

This week's diet plan is to eat Mini Eggs until I never want to see chocolate again.

Changed my avatar because @patchmcscratchy told me I looked better with a green tint.

I only have 1 goal in life: don't die. So far it's going w

CONTEXT: When posting this tweet I was crossing a very busy road and died.

Please vote for my friend & collaborator Ben Witt's short film, 'Letting You Go' here  http://www.reed.co.uk/film  . He'll win 10K, and it's good

I just spent about 10 minutes looking for my boots. They were on my head the whole time. SO DUMB. #lol

My new kettle is so terrifyingly loud I thought a train was hurtling towards the house. Added some much needed spice to my pre-bed Horlicks.

There's a quest in #NinoKuni where I have to to climb inside a giant fairy to work out why she's stopped having kids. Perfect Mother's day.

@musical_statues I think it's called an 'Oxford coma'.