Twitter: The kids sitting in the back of the bus smelling of pot and giggling.
Facebook: The ones in the front complaining to the driver.

If your husband surprises you with that spooning in the morning slip in, what ever you do don't say his name like a question.

As a redhead when I walk funny after great sex I have to remember to wear a hat or be mistaken for an orangutan.

I bet we are all in more photo albums in Japan then we are at home.

A pity fuck is still a fuck.

I hate when people call whales a fish when in reality they are a legume.

I think if the plane is being piloted by a woman they should call the cockpit a cuntpit.

I tried doing hip hop but within seconds I was being held down and someone forced a stick in my mouth so I wouldn't swallow my tongue.

I wish my husband wouldn't walk around naked. Its just teasing the dog.

Just reading about a guy who lost his testicle playing football. He should give his pants a good shake, thats how I find my missing socks.

Ok I think I am medicated enough to open my MasterCard bill.

I have a nightmare where I open the egg carton to make breakfast and all my eggs have developed personalites.

Favstar should include a trophy for number of unfollows because it means you have offended someone and they can't take it...SCORE.

Is there such a thing as voodoo sex dolls. I would have sooo many uses for such a device.

I have worn out my dildo (both ends), handcuffs, thigh boots & my whip only has a few cracks left in it. I wish Costco had an adult section.

Colored my hair & rinsed it off in the shower. Leaving the splatter on the wall, looks like a scene from Psycho. Waiting to see who notices.

Pouring a water bottle down my shirt is only sexy while running on the beach. In the gym I just slip & shoot off the back of the treadmill.

When I watch a television show with sexual content and nudity warnings, they better damn well deliver!!

I think Survivor would be way better if it were two groups of people turned loose in Detroit with no money, no home and no drugs.

My brother likes to say that if he would have been a girl there would have been a whore in the family for sure, what am I invisible??