Today I'm going to love like I've never been hurt and go to the bathroom like no one's watching... Or maybe I'll close the blinds this time.

I always forget. Are we supposed to hate the game or the player? Ah, Fuckit. I'll do both.

If a bunch of us would ever meet, about every 40 minutes I'd blurt out something stupid then stare to see if you thought it was funny.

I have come to the studied decision that more than anything else people on twitter really don't like spiders. Followed by exes and facebook.

Hi. I will talk to you and follow you if you have enough followers.

Romantic sex, makeup sex, angry sex, jealous sex, meaningless sex, rainy day sex, afternoon sex, morning sex, Ambian sex...I'm available.

If I wake up one more time with my hand on my cock I'm going to have to admit that I am the girl of my dreams.

So I saw I women in a burka today. I think I get it. Not the oppressive part but her eyes were so erotic and mesmerizing I humped her leg.

Twitter makes me a better writer. The instant feedback is invaluable.

It could have taken years to realize that nobody gets my shit.

So I go for a full physical next week. Wondering if I should be doing ass kegals so Dr. doesn't think I'm a slut.

Yep. Sitting down to pee really does feel good. Especially when I do it in the shower while crying.

Grabbing her from behind and kissing her neck really excited my last girlfriend. I can't understand why lady at the grocery freaked way out.

I keep ordering sex toys for my bitchy neighbor. I think it's starting to work. The fedex guy was there for an hour today.

Text and messages are generally appreciated. Email is almost always work. Phone calls are unwanted and scare the shit out of me.

I have one of those kind of stomach aches that for the next few hours I'm going to be really nervous if I have to fart.

Having visitors reminds me of the huge number of behaviors I feel compelled to hide.

Sexy never left.

My friends tell me it's like riding a bike. What the don't know is that last week I crashed my bike.

I'm planking. Here is a pic. No I'm not going to share a pic but just so you know I am completely horizontal in my bed. It looks cool.

For sale. Used account. No followers.