Favstar wird sogar noch besser, wenn du dich anmeldest.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after your first date, then your boobs are small.
Cop: Ma'am, what's in the bottle?
Me: Just some water.
Cop: Ma'am that's wine...
Me: Jesus did it again!!
Related: I need bail money.
I told a guy I was great at sex.
He then asked me, "what's your best move?"
I answered, "Leaving directly afterwards."
*Food hits the floor*
Little germs: "Let's get it!!"
King germ: "No, we must wait 5 seconds."
Men who shave their legs should just continue up & shave their vaginas as well.
Let's fuck until we fall in love.
Instead of people stealing tweets & posting then to facebook, I thought I'd try the opposite.
Steve and Doug are now friends.
The only "B" word you should ever call a woman is "beautiful".
Bitches love to be called beautiful.
My makeup looks for this morning:
"Shot in the face with a whore gun"
"John Wayne Gacy-beauty queen"
What are those small bumps around a woman's nipples?
They are Braille for "suck here."
I love you with all my butt.
I would say my heart, but my butt is bigger.
Two dyslexics walk into a bra...
Just saw a bird almost get hit by a truck, then fly up & shit mid air.
I understand, bird, I understand.
What do you call a lesbian w/ long finger nails?
I'm not an alcoholic...I only drink twice a year: On my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.
I once had a dream I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like 0mg!!
Is a lesbian with fat fingers considered well hung?
You'll know you have a high sperm count if I have to chew before I swallow.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
These Fabreeze garbage bags smell so good. It makes me want to put one over my head.