Hilarious! => Tom Waits – The Piano Has Been Drinking - 1977 ♫ http://t.co/1Cc80z7O

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Newspaper Ad: 'FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.'
ROFL

Remember the golden rule: Those that have the gold make the rules.

Der Vorteil der Klugheit besteht darin, dass man sich dumm stellen kann. Das Gegenteil ist schon schwieriger!

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. *rolls eyes*

@mannvombalkon Ich würze meine Steaks wie Chuck Norris mit Pfefferspray.

Eagles may be soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

Almost Hear You Sigh – The Rolling Stones ♫ http://t.co/JOJLAoVH

@ana_m_q @dob1234 Because musicians don't deserve that. They have to be loved for their work & not for some strange fiction & Housewatching

Q: Do you have a hobby? A: Twitter! Q: Fine. Any other hobbies? A: You don't know Twitter, do you?

@fun Do they go home on their own before opening time? Or do they release ALF to make cat juice out of them? Just asking.

Watching Jamie Oliveoil and getting very hungry

Traces of horse DNA were found in 10 burgers. Really?!?! At least there IS some meat in them!

Funkadelic – Maggot Brain [HQ] ♫  http://blip.fm/~1d6rx5 

Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math… that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You’re welcome.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

@gallenbitter Such sie halt nicht über die neue Map-App XD

Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.