I can summarise the ten commandments into one:

DON'T BE A FUCKING CUNT.

I want to have kids before my parents are too old to be able to take care of them.

The reason I still have friends is because they can't see the faces I make when I talk to them on the phone.

Convinced that the sole purpose of oxygen masks on airplanes is just to get people to shut the fuck up during an emergency.

You're not cool enough to have "haters". People just don't like you.

I realized I shouldn't have used my real name on twitter.But I have faith that my real friends are not intelligent enough to use twitter.

I stab on the last date.

If you meet someone from twitter in real life and they are nothing like you imagined, are you allowed to call tech support?

I wear heels on the plane so when I have to slide down the inflatable slide during emergency, it would tear & the people after me will die.

If I have to go to a movie or restaurant alone, I pretend to take notes to appear as some sort of critique.But I'm just drawing dead cats :)

I never had imaginary friends.

I was the imaginary friend.

Check the price tag before you fall in love.

Who gave straight people "rights"?

Your inspirational tweets on love & life are so inspiring that I want to slit my wrist with a rusted blade & rub it in salt.

Fuck off.

I am dyslexic. I meant to type 12 years old in my bio. You perverts are in a lot of trouble.

Talk about how happy and blessed you are.

That should get people to stop talking to you.

I show a picture of my body to the gym instructor and say "I want to look like this", just to fuck with him.

Guys, I only wanna hear about your ex if she is dead.If you still talk about her, I'll murder her so we can have an interesting conversation

If the other person in your avi is hotter than you, you're an idiot.

Twitter - Because the drama with the people in your real life was just not enough.