I love me a good stockholm syndrome joke! Mainly because that's what my kidnapper likes.

Siri, are you sad that your parents are getting a divorce?

On a scale of 1 to Lana Del Rey, how dead inside are you?

Being poor means realizing that pennies are money too.

My biggest regret is that I wasn't born as the daughter of a Jewish movie director in Hollywood.

I wonder if Jesus ever tried to heal a Ginger.

Honestly, I just want to see 4 more years of Barack and Michelle caught in cute candid photos together.

I was going to go to sleep, but then I remembered everything ever and now thinking.

Can you imagine how stressful it would be to get a text message from e. e. cummings? Like, "Did he mean to put two spaces there, or...?"

I would hate to be famous because stalkers. But I would also love to be famous because stalkers.

Bon Bon Iver #FatBands

I'm writing a self help book entitled: "So You Buy Your Make Up at Forever 21 and other frugal mistakes."

Whenever I finish a TV series, I feel dead inside.

Sometimes, I read my tweets and literally cannont stop laughing. #FF me!

If Joe Biden doesn't start every response to Paul Ryan with, "Young man..." then I give up.

I guess I'm just saying that I think you guys should retweet me more often.

Am I a character on Grey's Anatomy yet?

'No offense, but girls are the worst!' - The GOP.

The Dark Knight Rises was so good. Lots of darkness and knights and rising.

Only about 1 in 10 sexual assault victims report being assaulted. Get help. Go to http://t.co/RkxIJj8P.