@chiclet_'s (Small Chick) most faved Tweets...
What's less damaging to tell a child when they find your nipple clamps- the truth or that they're double roach clips?
Back before I married guys kept asking, "Are you free tonight?" I was like, "No bitch. It's gonna cost you dinner".
Not sure if your man is overindulging in porn on the side? Replace his lotion of choice with self-tanner.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
Today I put away all of my smokin' hot summer tops and humped them a little to let them know I'll really miss them.
Solution to coffin storage problems- bury them empty in the backyard til you need them. The look on your neighbor's face will be priceless.
Ever notice that kids are a lot like shackles- only shackles are a lot less irritating and a lot less embarrassing in public.
Pro Tip: When tranquilizing children with a blow dart gun, do not take a deep breath in when your lips are upon the mechanism.
Those kegels have really paid off. I'm now able to shoot my husband across the room with one good cough.
I cannot emphasize this enough. For those of you in good health, do not take breathing through your nose for granted. That is all.
Embarrassing moment: When gutting my house after Katrina, dad moved my mattress and my vibrator clattered to the floor and turned itself on.
Have to miss the Saints game to go to a baby shower and still sick.What's that capsule you take when you've fallen into enemy hands?Cyanide?
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