Why are there so many preservatives in frozen dinners? Isn't FREEZING a preservative?

I'm only annoying because I love you.

One day my mothafuckin tweets gon be favorited by 50+ people

I tweeted something funny one time

Love, peace and fuck you

I feel like people should be more excited about me

Ask your doctor if medical advice from a television commercial is right for you.

omg my body's attached to me

Why the fuck did you follow me if you never star, RT, or mention me?

Twitter, where you can state the most obvious mundane thing and everyone will just LOVE it

I'm really annoyed that I don't know everything

My son is one quarter white, one quarter black and half Mexican so I guess he'll be like "Dude, que paso, my nigga?"

I am held together with tape and pieces of string

Don't get your Twitter feelings hurt!

RT if you've blocked me

Oh god I'm embarrassed by everything I've ever said

Things are much less annoying when I do them than they are when someone else does them.

I think you forgot to star some of my tweets.

Seeing my baby sleepin like an angel made all my anger disappear

Doesn't everyone want my opinion on everything?