Favstar wird sogar noch besser, wenn du dich anmeldest.
"Why don't we just take a little break?" = "Let's end this thing in slow motion while we put our mouths on new people's genitalia"
Oh hi, fancy wine email survey. You want my input? Terrific. If it pairs well with goldfish & I can shotgun it watching Hoarders, 5 stars.
I actually Luke autocorrect.
If I make it to work without a hangover at least one day out of the week I consider the week a success.
Jesus, take the wheel. Muhammad, work the gas pedal. Buddha, hold my legs while I flash my fat tits out the sun roof.
imagine Jerry Lewis watching Girls
I once bought a Maroon 5 CD so yeah I have pretty low self-esteem.
"Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know"
Fuck, if that's the case, men would forever be licking twat.
I've lost many black "friends" bc I'm not homophobic and an atheist...best weight I've lost
If a tweet makes you laugh days later or weeks later, you need to trophy that shit.
(dresses like Adam Ant on weekends)
A documentary exploring the lives of normal people who still enjoy dressing like Adam Ant on weekends.
Rolling in the Deep (Dish Pizza)
When I was a catholic, I didn't do the confessional because snitches get stitches
look, if you're not using hair color that shines and lasts up to six weeks then go fuck yourself
Rag on Jerry Lewis all you want. A woman could NEVER pull off the zany noises and funny faces required to succeed in adult comedy.
Who knew my motivation for staying on the treadmill would be Spaceballs on cable.
to whomever finds my dildo, good luck trying to fuck yourself. it has the most up to date hole recognition technology installed
I need a giant dust pan. I'm tired of sweeping all my poor life decisions under the rug.