@goldengateblond's (shauna. with a u.) most faved Tweets...
They just opened the first rehab center for internet addiction. As soon as I find their online class schedule, I'm so signing up.
60 degrees in October: It's FREEZING. Where's my coat?
60 degrees in March: This is AWESOME. Where are my flipflops?
60 degrees in March: This is AWESOME. Where are my flipflops?
Saw a guy today with a t-shirt that said Jesus Is My Health Insurance.
Okay, but I don't think Blue Cross means what he thinks it means.
Okay, but I don't think Blue Cross means what he thinks it means.
Tiger Woods' sex rehab clinic prohibits masturbation while in treatment. And with that, "penalty strokes" just took on a whole new meaning.
Knowing men, I find it hard to believe the guy in the back of the bobsled just sits there silently while someone else drives.
Tweegret (v): Wishing you'd waited to post a tweet because you just thought of a way to make it much funnier.
Using my Lexus Visa has earned me $53 towards any Lexus purchase. Sure, laugh, but when I'm driving my free car in 2517, YOU'LL BE SORRY.
My husband is a US/Canadian dual citizen. Which means he’ll tell you to fuck off and then weep bitter tears over how rude he just was.
Bill Gates just quit Facebook because he had "too many friends."
And my love affair with irony continues.
And my love affair with irony continues.
Whew. Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my new electric blanket in the shower.
A friend just IM'd me from a bar and announced she's "three shits to the wind."
Man. I hope there isn't a cross-breeze.
Man. I hope there isn't a cross-breeze.
Picking a dress for tonight's company holiday party. Deciding between "classy" and "you'll remember my boobs next time I need something."
If you text your boss to call in sick and your phone autocorrects the S to a D, that's no longer sick time.
That's a personal day.
That's a personal day.
Saw "gynecologist" misspelled on a doctor's giant backlit sign today. Appalling.
No way I'm letting him NEAR my angina.
No way I'm letting him NEAR my angina.
Look, using the word "retard" doesn't mean I'm insensitive. The literal definition is "to impede." Okay? Now move your wheelchair.
Naomi Campbell assaulted her limo driver and is on the run. How hard can it be to catch a six-foot coathanger in heels?
I smoke AND use a tanning bed, so according to the news today, I'm already dead. Next up: Knife juggling!
It's so cute how this cookie dough wrapper tells me how to properly save the leftovers. Because, yeah, that'll happen.
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