I wish monkeys could Skype. Maybe one day.

Is there an angry way to say I'm sorry?

Fucking old ppl bragging about their new cars and their high gas mileage. At least Im not old!

All those dancing black girls at Coyote Ugly last night sure have me craving fried chicken today.

@hellogiggles Have you seen @whitneycummings nails? "Don't hate the player hate the game http://t.co/yqEMCSnM "

How much cheese is too much cheese?

I gotta pee i gotta pee!

Someone get me a bottle of Patron for Christmas

@melanieeenicole @matthew_grimm UUUHHHHHGGGGGG!!! It's like a crime scene in MY PANTS!!!!

"@annoyedworld: Oh Jameson, you woody flavored bastard... I love you, you're the only woody flavor I like in my mouth." @thatbecksmarie

Big mouths fit bigger dicks. Think about that loud mouthed straight dude.

"I have freckles sometimes when its sunny. Im gunna play my turn." - @desstinyfaith

I miss my grandpa

Have you ever had strep? Well, its gunna hurt a little more than that ...

"Look, look with your special eyes!"

@_congorilla_ Never had one to be honest

@theewren endless possibilities

@theewren HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

You know when someone is talking to you, but you can't seem to muster up any interest?

Im back on the tequila train bitches