@indecisiviously's (Indé Fjölnir) most faved Tweets...
Dad played my favorite game on the 3 hour drive. "Read Aloud the Advertised Price of a Gallon of Gas at Every Fucking Gas Station We Pass."
My dogs are never happier to see me than when I return from the strip club. Rock bottom must smell delicious.
So, who is the douchebag that thought it would be wise to put the backpain meds on the bottom fucking shelf at Walmart?
How many kittens does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, but it takes about 3 to make a decent sandwich.
I don't know, but it takes about 3 to make a decent sandwich.
New shrink appointment tomorrow, followed by weekend of family reunioning. Probably should have scheduled those in a more appropriate order.
Just witnessed a man walk through the bar, stuff his pockets with popcorn, and leave.
So yeah, we're all having a better night than him.
So yeah, we're all having a better night than him.
One side effect to my new med is delayed ejaculation, which made church this morning even more awkward.
Doc: Are you addicted to pornography?
Me: No. I only spend 30% of my income on porn. I'm addicted to housing and food.
Me: No. I only spend 30% of my income on porn. I'm addicted to housing and food.
Bonus Pro Tip: Christmas lights may increase the possibility of being caught while peeing outside. Related: My neighbors are fucking prudes.
Just once I would like to have a nice, peaceful evening with my pillows that didn't end in frustrated humping and regret.
Would red or white wine pair better with hamburger helper and pizza rolls? I'm asking for a fr...ah, screw it, i'll just have both.
Complimented my date on her stylish black dress, her luminously pale skin, her kitschy necklace. Still didn't get any. Fucking nuns.
People who say the internet is a productivity drain in the workplace are nuts. I just blocked 30 bots. I probably should take a half-day.
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