@jorshuwah's (Josh S) most faved Tweets...
Why are the women in tampon ads so hot? Don't try to appeal to me! I AM NOT YOUR DEMOGRAPHIC! unless.. no, no! I AM NOT YOUR DEMOGRAPHIC!
Reasons why angels make bad wingmen: 1. their giant wing span means they knock over other ppls drinks. 2. their moral superiority is irksome
I shall name my first born daughter Commitment and all men shall fear and flee her and she will be pure and innocent her whole life. Huzzah!
Training an endangered penguin to be your personal butler raises certain moral issues such as OMG IT'S SO FUNNY WHEN IT WADDLES WITH MY BEER
As a catholic, what really annoys me about my self imposed job at the condom factory is how long it takes to poke a hole in every single one
“Dress for the job you want, not the job you have” I told my staff while standing naked smoking a bong waiting for money from the government
I agree with the well known adage; you own a house once u have masturbated in the kitchen. I own 14 houses. Don’t tell my family or friends.
I live every day of my life as if it's my last. Basically I just leap in slow motion away from things which aren't exploding... Repeatedly.
I just typed 'New Zealand exciting travel destinations' into google and it said: Did you mean 'Australia'.
In the future ipods will be so small that they'll be invisible. OMG I could be in the future right now surrounded by ipods and not know it!
I'm kind of the black sheep in my family. I really stand out in family photos. Because they're humans. And I'm a black sheep. Baaa
War. What is it good for? Absolutely obtaining the resources of another sovereign state. Increasing expenditure to stimulate the economy.
Every time I clean up I feel as if I am depriving archaeologists of clues to my daily life. And I just won't be a part of that.
There's nothing quite as amusing as organising a huge suprise party for an agoraphobic friend. Sooo funny, big scared eyes and the writhing!
Sometimes if I'm with friends and my mum calls me I pretend it's someone else to seem cool: "Hell yes I'll be at the Gandalf party, brosef".
In a mutual apology situation I apologise first, forcing the other party to apologise, I then say: "A-HA! I wasn't really sorry!". Sorry.
Sometimes I open the fridge and I forget why I'm there. Minutes later I realize where I am, touch my nipples, close empty fridge & walk away
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