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@nonsequiturific
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@nonsequiturific's (Non Sequiturific) most faved Tweets...
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I ain't sayin' Pooh's a gold digger, but he ain't messin' with no broke Tigger.
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Hypothetical lemon distribution is no basis for a philosophy.
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Acetone: “If there's a problem, yo, I'm a solvent.”
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This wine is terrible. But in its defense, it is bourbon.
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When all you have is a hammer, every problem is someone who needs his head bashed in with a hammer.
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Husband on important business call discussing surgical robot. I do the robot every time he says it. I AM GOOD AT HELPING
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He wanted the sofa against the east wall, I wanted it at a right angle to the love seat. Everyone was Feng Shui Fighting.
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All Points Bulletin: Dyslexic zombie on the loose. Persons named Brian urged to proceed with utmost caution.
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Call me Friar Tuck one more time and I promise you, YOU WILL FEEL THE BACK OF MY SNUGGIE SLEEVE
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When you guys change avatars, I get the same look on my face as my Labrador when he's trying to bite the water from the sprinklers.
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Sir, would it help you proceed through the intersection if you thought of the green light as a text message from the traffic signal?
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Honk if you like flying in a V formation.
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I don't want to offend anyone, but I would rather wear panties made entirely of jellyfish than to have Sarah Palin say anything EVER AGAIN.
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Drinking at every “who” in the Grinch cartoon is the best play I ever gamed.
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Boutros Boutros-Ghali and Yo-Yo Ma walk into an echo chamber.
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Revenge is a drink best served cold. Or not. What I think I'm trying to say here is bring me a drink or one of us will be very very sorry.
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I wonder if the NASA engineers who designed the urine recycling system sang "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Urea?"
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In chaos theory, if you look up the term “strange attractor” there's a picture of your mom.
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I asked this grumpy German dude if he could tell me the date, but he just said “Nein! Nein! Nein!” What a JERK.
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Sir, your baseball cap orientation indicates a dearth of knowledge regarding its intended design, location of the sun and simple geometry.
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