I'm not saying you're fat...

I'm just saying you photograph better in landscape mode.

If Robert Kardashian hadn't gotten OJ off, eventually one of his daughters would have.

Just ran over a flock of sheep...

OMG... ewe ewe ewe ewe!

Tori Spelling and Kelsey Grammer should get married.

Then she can correct his last name.

Bad news, my Uncle died.

Good news, I got my nose back.

Found it hidden in his sock drawer. Thank God it still smells.

Halter tops...

Perfect for holding two boobs and attracting a third.

Women don't want to be laid.

They want to be wooed.

Especially if the guy has really hard wooed.

White bread

Wheat bread

Corn bread

Inbred...

Popular breads in the South.

Caught my bf cheating.

Made him sleep in the wet spot...

after I stabbed him.

I see dead chickens ~ Poultrygeist

It's been so long since I've shaved my legs, our dogs think we got a new puppy.

I've actually seen stores sell pink camouflage clothing.

Pink?

Is this so you can break into Disneyland and hunt Bambi?

I got my dignity back...

This time I'll hold it in place while you nail it.

I bought some tweets from IKEA...

Trying to put them together is a real bitch.

If my clitoris was a light switch, my bedroom light would be a strobe.

Ironic how a bug that women find so repulsive contains two words that give them so much pleasure...

cock...roach

De-evolution...

Dinah Shore

Pauly Shore

Jersey Shore

My neighbor just got married.

Not saying she's ugly...

but they gave her a bridle shower.

My BF wrote his name in the snow.

I dotted his " i " with a period.

Marc Anthony and Casey Anthony are dating.

They're affectionately known as LayLo.