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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    I love gay people. Or as I sometimes call them, "people."

    • 9.922
    • FAVS
    eshurneBrittyCatJimsmerdonlowtech42jonnysunspace_detritusHollyMemphissaabtron
    • 18k
    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    If your response to calls for gun control is “Should we get rid of cars too?” the answer is, for you, yes. You should not have a gun or car.

    • 6.003
    • FAVS
    eshurneJoePettit2edgarallan_broLydiaDominickafredorappsarrisdlowtech42lunarlabcoats
    • 12k
    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    I was considering voting for @mittromney, but then I remembered I ENTERED THE WORLD THROUGH A VAGINA.

    • 5.613
    • FAVS
    eshurnelowtech42kmcd14WyanRilsonSarahEmilyPainelenasawyeryogurtpyramidPat_Allston
    • 9.144
    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    "Ha ha ha! Terrific!" - Mitt Romney, every time Jar Jar Binks appears on screen

    • 4.662
    • FAVS
    eshurneokaymachadolowtech42space_detritusWyanRilsonIanWilliamzJaredJuhlopanocpt_jewbot
    • 6.046
    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!”
    COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”

    • 2.955
    • FAVS
    eshurneJoePettit2okaymachadoMrStaggsafredoraplowtech42hannahdanektylerzjoseph
    • 7.123
    • RETWEETS
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    MrSpoonicornLogikalLivingearfdaeJeffKlinger
  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    THE HOBBIT IS 14 HuRS LONG DESPITE WHAT THE ADS SAY THEY WONT LET US LEAVE MY WIFE WETTED HERSELF WE’RE ALL CREYING DOORS LOCKED FROM OUTSID

    • 4.381
    • FAVS
    hardfemmesunnybebopdavidbwoodNiamhMackenTheHobbitVideosJoePettit2crs992oconnorjamie9
    • 5.515
    • RETWEETS
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    KKAlThani
  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    What a fucking embarrassing clown of a person you’d have to be to oppose gay marriage.

    • 4.230
    • FAVS
    mar_mcglowtech42HollyMemphisVictor_DraxCryptoterraabughatSarahEmilyPainKimberlyy_S_
    • 5.214
    • RETWEETS
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    ChelseaK22
  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    Guns don’t kill people. People who say “Guns don’t kill people” kill people. With guns.

    • 2.889
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    • 5.975
    • RETWEETS
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    corsalNeutrontrilogyEKampsenJeffKlingerPiromanoAnonimokellyoxford
  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    Which Mumford is the dad?

    • 2.988
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    lowtech42josmckjonnysunHollyMemphisNickAirey99f_picklesblaire_hintonReedinkski
    • 5.063
    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    If I were a woman, when I encountered sexism I’d be like “BRB, I’m gonna go *MAKE A HUMAN* IN MY BODY LIKE A MAGICAL GOD, YOU SAD OAF.”

    • 2.807
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    hardfemmeokaymachadolowtech42lunarlabcoatshaley_bendernoesmokingIHaveABadEarHarryCantwell
    • 4.704
    • RETWEETS
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    KKAlThaniMarloMeekinsPetPinkElephantAhm76
  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    .@charmin my daughter was killed by a bear yesterday when she tried to offer it toilet paper you son of a bitch

    • 3.426
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    mar_mcg_hollycaustkeelerw37datgoodgood21Br00tallobsta_srxsJSNYYJCuddi92
    • 3.989
    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    Fucking gonna kill myself over the Justin/Selena breakup. This is so fucked. The world is a toilet at a state fair. God is dead. AIDS.

    • 3.192
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    okaymachadolowtech42oh_vinceyCryptoterraJoeGryffindorcpt_jewbotSarahEmilyPainReitzbitz
    • 4.140
    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    What’s all the fuss about horse meat? Who gives a shit? I’ll eat a horse. I’ll eat your dog. I’ll eat your fucking family.

    • 3.545
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    hardfemmemar_mcgJoePettit2okaymachadoJillTwiggersoapiielowtech42YourFavWhiteMan
    • 3.722
    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    I'm so mad at these refs I'm gonna go to Foot Locker & shit on the floor!

    • 1.885
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    • 5.241
    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    Disappointed Obama didn't halt global warming? Then you should definitely punish him by giving Paul Ryan the keys to your daughter's uterus.

    • 2.167
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    lowtech42CryptoterraUsedTurtleSarahEmilyPainRichard_Keepdebbieshapirojuskewitchmichaelllclark
    • 4.657
    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    May I ask everyone who follows me, without exception, to RT this voting info for all 50 states?  http://vote.barackobama.com/en/?choose-state=true 

    • 343
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    I didn’t “like” The Dark Knight Rises; I JOSEPH GORDON-LOVED IT!

    • 2.333
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    mar_mcgokaymachadoCryptoterranathandeschaineSarahEmilyPainkennedylryaniRowlfKristenSchwent
    • 3.879
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    STOTLE
  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    “I was gonna vote for [insert candidate] but after watching the debate I’m going to vote for [that exact same candidate.] - Everyone

    • 1.349
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    lowtech42CryptoterraSarahEmilyPainJeredSchneideriRowlfPomodoriumjensenmarie_rando688
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    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    .@nra You haven’t tweeted in a few days. What’s up?

    • 1.600
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    lowtech42CryptoterraSarahEmilyPainRichard_KeepjuskewitchJeredSchneiderjensenmarie_T_Shams23
    • 4.267
    • RETWEETS
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  • robdelaney
      rob delaney @robdelaney

    Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.

    • 1.881
    • FAVS
    CryptoterraSarahEmilyPainRichard_KeepDaniellettijuskewitchJnickp12iRowlfUKJayL
    • 3.890
    • RETWEETS
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    weird_hugs
@robdelaney

@robdelaney
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Comedian, Writer, 6'3 217 lbs. Get my new game, War of Words, at http://say.ly/UgM5OpN