You can tell the lowest class because they name their children after the most expensive things..

I wonder when my mom will realize her cats aren't really my sisters?

If you're patient, and you wait long enough... nothing will happen.

No matter how successful a woman is in her career, when she goes home, she is just an ordinary girl who wants to be handcuffed to her bed.

If I can see your nipples, either your t-shirt's too tight or you need a fucking bra. And I am talking about you, guys.

I'd like to schedule a disappointment.

Fuck you to people who are always trying to tell other people how to tweet.

I asked my girlfriend for a lap dance. Instead, she gave me a lap top!

If you're wearing a polka dot blouse, you're asking for anal sex.

If you sing on the bus, I assume you had blow job last night.

Sometimes I get this feeling I've being clicked on and I'm being dragged to the recycle bin.

Life's short. You should tell people to fuck off more often.

Told my cat Rocky, from now on he can only meow 140 times a day.

I will go shopping with a female midget if she has a mustache

I'm trying to pretend I have a life right now.

My mom would have fainted if she ever read my tweets.All the while,she thought Twitter is a cute bird who was constantly chased by Sylvester

I feel bad... I just told someone to Fuck Off on twitter... I meant to say Please Fuck Off....

Social on the outside, loner on the inside.

A funny girl is a sexy girl.

If you're addicted with Facebook, you're doing it wrong. Wait! Don't cross over to Twitter. You're actually doing it right on Facebook.