I don't have time to play Words with Friends. I play 140 characters with strangers.

It's just Twitter. You can follow back. It's not a date. You don't have to play hard to get.

If Oprah took over Favstar, everyone would get a trophy.

Pepsi is going to add Michael Jackson's image to Pepsi cans. Whitney Houston is being requested for Coke cans.

I worked from home and still had a tough commute.

Thought about creating a LEGO AVI, but I don't want to be blocked.

Before you let children create a Mii of you on the Wii, make sure you have plenty of self esteem first.

It is generally recommended to smile at people as you walk past them. It only works if you are not creepy.

Do you ever tweet so much that you start plagiarizing yourself?

Darth Vader was a mouthbreather.

When did we go from charging a penny for our thoughts to tweeting them for free?

I currently have 1998 followers. I'm going to tweet like it's 1999.

When Siri is down for maintenance, it's referred to as "that time of the month."

If guns get banned, it may be a big setback for bodybuilding competitions.

Shout out to quiet rooms.

Research suggests multitasking may lead to a higher IQ. That means people on Twitter may be getting smarter but can't get anything done.

CIA sext: wiretap that ass

You're not lame if you have a low number of stars or trophies. It just means you're not mainstream.

Homeless people have been known to step outside the box.

Life didn't give me lemons. I bought them.