@vinnie's (Ever, Greatest) most faved Tweets...
I'm going to open a restaurant where the food's free but there's a minimum gratuity charge and call it "Just the Tip".
THROW YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR
IF YOU WANNA SEE ME WRITE SOFTWARE.
Yeah there's no way to make my job sound cool in a song
IF YOU WANNA SEE ME WRITE SOFTWARE.
Yeah there's no way to make my job sound cool in a song
This is family tech support. If you fucked up your wireless router press 1. If the laptop I told you not to buy isn't working again press 2.
Remember, if you have sex with someone you met on twitter, it's like you're having sex with everyone they ever followed, so use protection!
If you don't want babies to touch electrical sockets, maybe you shouldn't make them look like surprised faces?
My jokes are more technical than the reason southern girls are still "virgins" until their wedding day.
Today's birthdays: my mother in law, my boss, and this nervous tick I just developed while thinking about the first two.
You know how people in Michigan put up their hand and point to their town? Well I'm from Florida, you don't want me to show you Fort Myers.
Me: "I have to get back to work"
3 year old niece: "Why?"
Me: "Because somebody has to pay for this house and I don't leak milk"
3 year old niece: "Why?"
Me: "Because somebody has to pay for this house and I don't leak milk"
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